2.5.18

Faz the psikik. NOT!

It is funny when you think about your life. Funny when you know so little about it. I keep thingking about what if I am Jane or Professor X in XMen movies. They know so many things inside others heads. From happy thoughts to dark deep secrets and for sure they never see other people like everyone else see them.

 They see people as if they know them ( of course, cause they knew what happend inside their head). You know.. sometimes, you feel that yeah I know him/her so much we can even finish each other sentences. Lol. But the real thing is darling, we people, do hide things, and we can never ever know someone so close like isi dengan kuku thing. We humans, cant really read what on other people head or heart.

This keep bugging me (yeah i know, i bug small matter a lot, thats why i have blog in the first place,lol).

So I guess, we should not give 100% trust to other peoples even it is your parents or siblings or partner or your bestfriends. They tends to hide their true feelings or emotions ( including me). Well i, myself sometimes confiuse to differentiate which one is true or false feelings. How can I know?

To free myself from this stupid psikik that keep bugging me, I just accept whatever feelings and emotions you all give to me and i dont want to care about it originality at all. You can give me false emotions or true feelings. I dont care anymore . I just want to be happy .

There.
Therefore i hereby declare my freedom.


Goodbye bad toughts!

20.2.18

...and I starting to transform

Ini pos lama.
20 Februari 2018.



Ianya lucu untuk memikirkan bahawa hidup aku yang dulu yang tidak ambil kisah pasal perempuan lain. Jenis yang lantak kau la nak lawa ke nak buruk. Jenis yang pakai seluar sukan dan baju tidur je pergi keluar makan. Muka hanya sapu bedak dan pengilat bibir. Jenis yang tak terfikir langsung nak tengok perempuan lain dan membanding-banding aku dan kau kita sama tapi berbeza. oh tidak sekali-kali.

Sebab itu aku kata lucu. 

Kerana aku yang sekarang mempunyai mata yang sensitifnya kalah Superman. Sakit tau tak. Sakit mata, sakit hati sakit jiwa. 

*I cannot unseen what I already see and what I already know. Dunia aku bertukar 100%. Aku jadi murung, kurang keyakinan diri, kerap menyalahkan diri sendiri dan membanding-banding. What happen to me? I want my old self back. My old me who think that everyone loves me. Who think that if someone say I love you, maka confirm dia sayang kau sampai mati. I guess I am still an innocent girl until recently*.

Sekarang dunia yang aku fikir indah, cantik, dingin, sedap, wangi yang pernuh warna-warni sebenarnya hanyalah mimpi. Pow push doom dum pang puk puk bom bum! Pecah sepecah pecah nya. Derai habis berderai-derai.

Dan aku kini menjadi orang aneh kerana aku gagal untuk move on dari dunia innocent aku.
Dan aku sangat-sangat berharap agar aku dapat putar masa balik daripada melihat benda yang nyata kejam itu*. It hurt me so bad. I am dying inside.

14.2.18

Stress-free

old post.
14 Feb 2018

I am starting to wonder why my behavior turned out like this; Like a grumpy old lady who hates everything or sometimes I become just like a psycho wife who can kill her husband because of jealousy. I am becoming more serious towards life. My smile starting to fade. I can feel it. I can feel it that I no longer have smile in my face. And I hate it and then I start to over thinking. Oh my! What a complicated emotional mess you are in Faz.

So here is another story.

A mom-phase is not an easy phase. emm hmmm. It is not easy girls. I repeat. NOT EASY. It is never ending job. You have to be physically and mentally strong. And remember, you always need help and support. I can not do this task without my family and husband. They are my great supporters. And for the baby; They deserve our love. I always pray that I am cool enough to face this little creature's tantrum, crying, and hungers like a pro and stress free.

You want to know 1 fact about me?

Every time I am stress out, I will come here and write.
It is like my little pond of emotions. I release all my emotions here, trapped them  so that I no longer see them again. I hope.

Till then.
Bye.